Now that everyone left, disappeared, the silent, empty page greets me.
You don’t know me. You will never know me as i do not wish to be known. This is a great source of my pain and misery. There is a wall inside of me, that has always kept me separate from human beings, and that wall is my own thoughts which never stop.
There is no need to be understood. What is necessary, perhaps? To express myself? No.
My own expression bores people. So, should i be someone else? No.
I don’t know. I don’t need to know really. I don’t need to know anything.
All i know is… life is tiresome. Never should have read so much. Never should have studied, went to university, never should have worked. Never should have existed. Existence in this day and age is bland, lacks salt, is undercooked. Existence is mostly a financial chore which dulls the mind and damps the spirit. Existence… is depression. Or rage.
Not if you ask the philosophers though. The modern “uplifters of spirit”. I hate it, I hate philosophy, i hate conciousness, it’s a chore… what passes for it today is optimism. You should not be optimistic, end it all on a happy note. Have the courage to be miserable…
I will absolutely refuse to write anything i term as falsehood. If evil is truth, then let’s follow evil. Wherever it leads… so, if i must ramble i will. Close the page. Go away. Don’t want to tell you everything i know, not yet.
Because we are shallow. I am simply honest in my own laziness to improve. I don’t want to. I simply want to enjoy the art of others. But, since i can’t do that, sometimes i write. What i write is what i write. What i show is what i choose to show. That’s it. I don’t remove the mask of indifference most of times, and once i show what lies beneath, people recoil in horror.
Too dark. Too malevolent. Too cynical. I like it, this abandonment of my soul. But then, someone might think they understand me. And i can’t understand myself all the time.
Despair, absolutely. Especially the despair of others. We are built to feel joy over it. Who has more money, children, happiness. I am in a cynical mood right now. Philosophy… no. Mind? Perhaps character…
It is a curious thing, modern society. As i watch the ongoing issues of United States, i am remembered of a very bitter era of my own country. We were a country at war, while the whole of socialist East was collapsing. Romania executed Causescu, Moldova barely avoided civil war due to Transnistria, First, then Second Chechen war, it was a terrible time.
My father told me back then, you could buy a good woman for a night for a can of soviet tushonka, basically spam, in some regions, and what was even more troublesome was that most prostitutes… were young mothers.
Where would they work? There were no jobs, after all, when all of society collapsed, even men were found useless for everything – most labor collapsed for at least two years. Yet children still needed to eat. Many men regarded it as pity – truckers were well known in all of Eastern Europe as those with a “wide reach” yet, back then, there was a strange pattern to all of it – they always paid, never haggled, and sometimes would spend madly.
My father, the cynic that he was, always told me that he was amazed not by their lust, but by their compassion. What compassion?
Yet, it was compassion, sadly so. They paid for the only thing those young women had to offer. And above all – they kept their mouths shut tight. It was a broken society’s last strand of dignity – here, take this money, and go feed your kid.
But how it all began is being forgotten, yet, most people watching American affairs know, sense that same force appearing.
The force simply being financial capitalism.
First, one must differentiate between two forms of capitalism today – one is the traditional capitalism, industrial, heavy-weight, production-heavy, now mostly settled in East Asia, and the new one is liquid, stock-market and derivatives market, centered in London, and United States.
…Back then, when Clinton was in office, the solution was “shock therapy” of Eastern European markets. The “free market”. But was it free? Was it even a market?
Companies were bought, workers fired, and “assets” were “financialized” – it was daylight robbery. Most people in Europe and westward don’t know the Russian Federation was basically robbed – Russia at one point – i believe it was 1994 – lost most of it’s mineral resources. It was called “the transition period” – “tranzicija”. To this day the word still makes people chuckle with rage. It was the socialist East’s first encounter with a financial attack.
And it never fully recovered. The only ones that learned their lesson were the Chinese – protect the industrial sector, expand it, make the financial markets serve the needs of the masses. This lesson, once learned, they never forgot.
Yet the same method of attack – for it was an attack – is now being applied to United States. All assets are being financialized, the volatility of stock market gambles turning a stable society into a casino, for which the taxpayer must pay.
Yet, as half of their country freezes, Americans are slowly awakening to the fact that there are two societies – the haves and have-nots. And not to have is itself immoral. The same with the woman who sells herself to feed her kids. Oh, i can already hear the “libertarians”, the “free-market” worshippers, talking about morality, good work ethic, as if there is a choice. This, this is a lie.
There is no choice – either you do what you have to to stay alive, or you die. That’s life without brotherhood, without a nation, without anything, and only transitioning, global capital. You have money – good. You’ll get everything you ever asked for. No money?
Freeze to death, boil water while cursing the company, your taxes go to what purpose? What was it? “No taxation without representation”?
Yet, people freeze to death and the empty office buildings will get power, and this power will be rerouted from the “unnecessary” masses, to the “necessary” empty office buildings.
Financial capitalism has no nation, loyalty, yet it will speak about the need to “democratize markets” to undemocratic states, and speak about the need to stop “union overreach” to democratic states – yet who are these people? Whose countrymen could watch half the nation freeze, listen about dying grannies from cold, burst pipes, and still, still! – cut off the power supply, or reroute it?
What point is there to even speak of democracy then, if the first question is not of freedom – a false asssumption, as if man has a choice not to pay rent, not to pay taxes? If you freeze to death, is it moral? If you die, is it moral, because some obscure economic principle was kept “alive”?
The first question is basic human morality – who lives? Who dies?
Well, right now, the rich live and criticize the poor for daring to utter complaints! The poor grumble. Entire nation’s wealth, it turns out, can be easily swept away but the force of liquid financing, stock market schemes, quantitative easing and people have forgot, or perhaps, haven’t known until now – the House, the casino, always wins, and it’s not the United States. It’s whoever has the most amount of money.
I hoped this year would be better, but now a severe disappointment will be felt i believe. What is the point of democracy? It clearly can not survive financial immorality of the global rich. They swept away everything!
The muslims had the islamic demand to make charity one of the five pillars of islam, the christians to give alms and help to the poor, if you were religious it was a thing to put you closer to heaven, if you were a part of civic society, it would raise your societal standing, give your prestige, indeed it was a “noble obligation”… after all the talk, turns out it’s that slightly dumb trucker, that construction worker, that drunk priest or rambling imam that has your back!
You should actually be grateful to be freezing! It’s the free market at work! Well, fuck the free market then? It’s a society, who cares? The poor, the moderately well-off, all agreed to share and help each other, but the ghastly rich, with all their talk of charity (all tax-deductible!) now call of “calm”, “decency”…
You can’t have calm if you don’t have to eat, and you can’t have decency if life itself has turned indecent! It is at this point that a man either opens his eyes and chooses either brotherhood or betrayal. For brotherhood it is better to betray ten principles, then for betrayal to uphold fifty. As society turns more inward, more “rustic”, it will have to ask the same questions as we did – who are these locusts? Who decided on this transition period? Why have we been robbed of everything? And how do we take it back?
Financial capital already smashed the Middle East, attacked Russia, produced a housing and market crisis in United States, and it will keep going until it is stopped – by law, by design, by force. Unless there is a force, there is no way forward. Russia did it, China did it, Turkey is attempting the same.
The lira crashed in value a few years ago. The dollar has become an idea – all this “wealth”, all this “stock market estimations” of value yet a society without heat, power, vaccines? Whose society?
My hope is that Americans wake up, and wake up fast, understand that they are an “inefficient labor product”, which does not bring large “capital gains” to the market. Otherwise in ten years, as only the bustling centers of capital and finance are protected by armed private security, deep financial assets, legislative power and protection…. they will understand what it means to be transitioned. You’re unnecessary. Your existence is immoral.
And if after all this there are those who say the markets are more important, well… poverty is a burden of the rich as well. The burden of betrayal. Every man freezing only has to look outside and see the wealthier parts taken care of and feel a cold, chilling rage build up. It is a moment of clarity.
You’re not meant to live poor!